she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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