ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
