Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
