those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
