We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
