i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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