Buhtt sex?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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