The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
