i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
the night ended with taco bell and tears
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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