I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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