I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
