just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
two words...techno handjob
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
