i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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