final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
