"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
