i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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