I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
