i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
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