So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
