I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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