im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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