I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
