He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
