sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
