hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
