Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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