Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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