Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
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