omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
