You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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