that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
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