You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
