im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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