i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
