Moan for me like Helen Keller
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You're a waste of cheezeits
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
