Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
