Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
