I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
