p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
