This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
