I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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