hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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