well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
