Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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