im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
