Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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