No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i love accidental penises.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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