you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
