I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
