Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize