Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
