Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize