I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
