He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
