Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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