"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
