Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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