how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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