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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize