Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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