So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
