Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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