Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
