Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
