if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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