we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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