But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Do you still have your period?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
