is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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