I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
