I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
There r osticjed everywhere
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
