So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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