did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
