You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
