She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
