So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
