He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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