I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Randomize
