Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
smell my finger.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
