You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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