Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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