It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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