She's JV to your varsity
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
