All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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