I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
