Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
