im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
