Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
