so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
