You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
