Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
