And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
