What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
