why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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