What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Never joke about your clitoris.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
