Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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