he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
