Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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