The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
