Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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