Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
