I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
