I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
